windmaomao v2.0

原创词曲：门朝大海, 慢走, 夜太长, I Do 2008, 童年的纸飞机, 唱给你听, 舍不得让你走,  红袖添香,  ABC,  完整,  两只虫,  I Do 2007

博客搬迁到了 http://www.qplot.com/wordpress

不懂有得时候对方没打字是由于不想和你说话了还是网络速度。

不过一般是前者，所以我恨msn 

it wasn't as bad as I thought, I think, my dad was right, "you got to do it, then you don't have to worry about it any more". 

 so I made a list, and I tried to finish one thing a day, though one thing leads to another thing most of time, but I gradually getting my life back.

 today, I got CA driver license, drove there twice to get that, funny, LOL. and sold my one of my useless guitar, and forced my ex-gf to pay back the money owing me. Anyway, I can feel I'm getting there one day. 

 just now, I heard a girl yelling downstairs, she had to clean the car, but she was so happy doing these things, she call her cat "applebee", though her cat's name actually is "butterbee". Such happy nature, I can't resist smiling upstairs. I wonder why can I be a person like that. Maybe something was screwed when I was young, maybe I screwed myself when I am getting old. Either way, I guess one day I can go back, meantime, I need strength to pull it all together. 

 One more time, be my soul, give my strength, let me make it though. Thank you. 

可能我根本就不适合在这个世界存活，这里是美国，但人心也还是能这么的腐朽。看来人性本来就是恶的，所以生下来我们就是需要开始洗涤直到我们死去。

为什么我要生在这么脆弱的身躯，拥有这么敏感的心灵，我不相信神的，但我现在想问问他为什么，为什么要我经受这么多的考验，一条一条，一条没有结束，另一条又开始了，我不断地赎着我以前犯的错，但我的错是不是太大了，我这辈子就要这么地赎下去。我知道错了，真的，我错的很厉害，但给我一个机会，让我重新开始，给我一个喘息的机会，让我相信您的存在。

我孤零零地在这个世界上很久了，我累了，上次我想离开这个世界的时候你把我拉回来了，可是这次呢。求求您，救救我的灵魂，我回来了，我只求一个喘息的机会。

谢谢您。 god bless me. 

这个星期发生的事情太多了，呵呵，明白了太多的事情，告诉自己其实没有老，只是发生的事情太多了而已。

 I can't believe I have to do things again and again, repeat what I done wrong again and again: maggie says no, I went back to yiming, she says no, haha. Good call. then cop caught me for nothing. I thought I just need a break. but i found out what's wrong with me today, finally after 29 years, I found out what's wrong with me.

 deeply inside, I am lonely person, and I have low esteem, but that's not new to me, what's new is that I don't have internal calmness since I am kid. I need someone by my side laughing and playing with me and encouraging me do things that I like.  I never found one or maybe I rejected the people that likes me and go to chase the ones that I like. Either way, I guess, no excuse. I'll just play calm now, because whatever I do is because I am agitated nature. 

  I hated my family a bit but I guess it's not their fault. The things is that I can't get out of this mood that I have no one to love me and care for me whenever I needed them. 

  I'll look for the inner peace  from now on, ex. listening to soothing music and helping people who needs them and fullfill the empty shell I have inside, LOL. I guess the way to look for girl friend isn't helping at all. Hehe. my bad. 

   that's all for my 29 years. simple story, badly learned. Bye. Before my 30th, I'll live in a happy life. I will, and I will try hard this time, no kidding, I'll do it this time seriously. I'll need my friends help, they'll help me and bless me. I'll grow up by 30. Yes, period.